Week Seven

I know, I KNOW!!! I've been absent for some time. But as you all have probably noticed, I've been quite busy :P. I'm now stationed in Vegas!!! ... so all this hard work paid off. Now, to the actual blog you care about lol.

Week 7 was a bit of an awkward week. Lets just say three words to describe week 7: blues and tests. Week 7 covers everything from learning how to wear blues correctly, get the dorm inspected like crazy, do an End of Course Test, and a final Fitness Test. However, my week 7 was kinda screwed up because I missed the M-16 stuff in week 5 so I had to make up for it this week.

I went to the M-16 range somewhere off base and shot the M-16 at various targets in various positions. Nothing too extreme here. You're given 10 shots, 5 shots for without the gas mask and 5 with the gas mask. You are given a total of 50 bullets, but for each 10 you fire you're in a different firing position. I shot a total of 43/50, which got me "Marksmanship". That green ribbon you see? Yeah, thats Marksmanship :D. We also learned how to take apart the real M-16 and clean it and all that fun greasy stuff.

Now, the part I didn't tell you was I did my M-16 madness on the first day everybody else wore blues. So I was clueless on the Blues experience when I came back. I asked various trainees what it felt like to wear blues, and a few of them said it made them feel "important", and other said it sucked sitting down in them because of the leg straps you're forced to wear. I have to agree with them.

The next day we were supposed to get a grand dorm inspection from STAN-TEAM. This team is the ultimate inspectors of BMT, and nothing can get past them. They see things wrong with your dorm and lockers that even your MTI misses. So needless to say.... we didn't do too well when we got inspected. The dorm looked good, but a couple people's lockers were trashed and everything they owned was thrown on their beds in disgust. Mine was alright. In case you were wondering.

I learned this sock-folding technique from an 8th-weeker that revolutionized the idea of folding a hard sock. Unfortunately, STAN-TEAM didn't like my new sock folding technique. The sock was extremely hard and perfect looking, and it looked great on the outside. But STAN-TEAM unfolds the socks and they found it different on the inside. The MTI's didn't notice this till later, and I got called in and I got my screaming session for the week about how I shouldn't teach the flight folding tricks. The flight loved it cuz the sock folding technique worked, but I guess it was against regulations. I was instantly put on the sh** list of my MTI.

Blues happened again the next day, and we had numerous classes that weren't exactly mandatory for graduation. So I was scheduled for my Top-Secret interview. I had to skip lunch in order to get interviewed. I was interviewed one on one with a special agent from the FBI about how often I drink (or lack thereof), if I do drugs (oh yeah, like I have a problem with drugs), and other crazy things. That interview went short and smooth, and by the time I was done being interviewed, it was my time to go back to class. The class was already half way through the lesson, and it felt awkward barging into a class that was already in progress. I couldn't just sit outside and do nothing. So I opened the door, and this is what happened next...

I walked inside slowly, and it was a blue-rope MTI teaching the class. I had this same instructor a few classes ago, and he's freakin' hilarious. Pee your pants hilarious. It's great. He was teaching a class a week ago about sexual assault and whatnot. I remembered the plots of the movies he showed in the class quite well. However, he showed a slightly different face when I walked inside the class.

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, and the class got really quiet. I gave a reporting statement.

"Sir, trainee Donahue reports as ordered. Sir, I am part of this flight and I would like to join the class."

He stared at me for a second. Then he said, "Ummm... well then, why do you want to join this class? Do you remember the sexual assault class I taught you?"

I said, "Yes sir, the video had Jack and he was bad and did awful things to the girls."

The class laughed. He replied, "Well then! Looks like you have proof! Come here to the front."

I started to march to the front of the class, and then he freaked out. "How about a PROCEEDING SIR??!?!!?!?! Go away!"

I did an about-face, "Proceeding sir"

"COME HERE!"

"Proceeding sir." Another about-face going towards him.

"Go away!!"

"Proceeding sir." Yet another about-face going away from him.

"Come here!"

"Proceeding sir." I about-faced in his direction and walked directly to him and stopped.

He got in my face and stared me in the eye... I was thinking to myself, He's just testing me... I can beat this...

He said, "Who sent you?"

I replied, ".... Sir, Trainee Donahue reports as order, nobody did, sir."

He said, "Oh... well.... did my ex-wife send you? She likes to really piss me off sometimes."

The class was peeing their pants trying to hold in laughter at this point.

I replied, ".... Sir, trainee Donahue reports as ordered, ---" the class lost it and the blue-rope freaked out and said, "Another reporting statement, eh?"

"... Sir, trainee Donahue reports as ordered, sir ---"

"HOW MANY REPORTING STATEMENTS ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME?!?!"

(Giving more than one reporting statement per conversation is a bad thing)

"Just one, sir."

He said, "Who sent you??"

"Nobody sir. Nobody sent me."

"My wife didn't send you? Cuz she really likes to piss me off by doing these silly things."

"No sir, she doesn't." oops.

He gave me that weird look like 'wtf did you just say?'

He responded, "Well... did my grandma send you?!"

I stared at him for 5 seconds, not sure how to respond to this.

He said, "Are we having a staring contest?"

I kept staring at him, my face completely emotionless.

He said, "Ok, lets play a game. I want you to close your eyes. Now count to 5. Now open them."

I opened my eyes. He said, "I'm still here!!!!"

I told him, "I haven't eaten lunch yet, sir."

He sent me to lunch.

I ate.

I went back to the classroom, wondering if he was going to torment me again.

I entered the classroom, and stood in the back, waiting for him to acknowledge me. He surely did.

"It's you again! What do you want?"

I said, "I want to join the class and learn."

He said, "Learn, eh? Ok! Well you have to call me. Get out your cell phone and call me."

What? Cell phone? God forbid you have your cell phone on you or else you're seriously busted. I was terribly confused.

"Grab. Your cell PHONE!"

I finally got it. I shaped my hand into a phone shape and held it in front of me.

"Call me!"

I pushed pretend buttons on my hands and made the beeping sounds as I pressed the pretend buttons. Then I held the phone up to my ears.

He said, "Is it ringing?"

"Yes sir."

He said, "Is there a dial tone?"

I made the most awkward dial tone noise in the world. It sounded more like a dying chicken than a dial tone.

"Shut up." He said. "Hello?"

He picked up the phone on his end. I said, "Sir, trainee Donahue reports as ordered."

He said, "What's the password?"

I immediately responded, "Platypus." (That was the distress word in BMT if terrorists were holding you hostage).

He looked at his "phone" and said "What the...... fine.... go sit down."

I went for my chair, holding the phone to my head as I went for the chair.

"Can you still here me?" He said as I went for the chair.

"Yes sir." He asked this 5 more times as I went for the chair.

When I got to my chair, I put the phone down to set down my things. He went, "Hello? HELLO??!?!!"

I quickly brought my hand to my head again, "Yes sir, I'm still here."

"ok... good... I thought I lost you.... bye."

"Good bye, sir."

"GOOD BYE!"

-click-

Class went on like normal after that.

I passed my end of course test with a 90%.

And I passed my PT eval (barely). hehe.

That's 7th week.